The End of The Affair

How have you been since your affair has ended?

Does it seem an odd question? It isn’t meant to be. You have a relationship with your work. It is my sincere hope that your work was not your spouse, though for some of us, unfortunately, this might very well have been the case. But if you managed to have and maintain a relationship with another person, your work, was really your other lover.

It’s an intense relationship too, this affair. You set your alarm and wake to be together. And sometimes at night, you can hardly part to sleep. You’re together for an average of 8 hours day, but certainly no less than 4. Sometimes the compulsion is such that you forgo others and forget to eat when together. You recount the times you and work have shared with friends and mediate on what you’ll do the next time you meet.  How many have the privilege of relationships as fervent as this?

So it should therefore come as no surprise that when this affair has ended, you had some heart break. This is natural. We all feel this way when relationships end. There will be disappointment, sadness, betrayal, anger, regret, bitterness, loss, frustration, fear and feelings of lack of self-worth. And that’s just the first day. But most of us have had more than one relationship (don’t worry, we’re not keeping count here). So that means that somehow, we picked ourselves up, pulled ourselves together and tried again. 

First things first, you’ll need to recover, get over that old flame. Heal. Do this in your own way and at your own pace. That is, once your own time is 3 months or less. There are books, blogs, movies and magazines to help you through this, so use all the tools you can find. There’s even Dr. Phil. (Snicker). But you don’t have to take all your advice from one place, find the mix that works for you.  Personally I found it’s been a great time to focus on all my other affairs for awhile. You know, the ones with real people involved. Spend your former work hours with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your mum and of course, yourself. But that job relationship is over, so just let it go.

Go to the club. Not literally. But in the same way you go out to meet someone, you’re probably going to have to go out and find a new job. If one just lands in your lap, do share with the rest of us how to accomplish this. However, this is unlikely so start hunting. If you haven’t done so yet, read “It’s Hunting Season”.  If you read it already, a refresher might help. Get moving though, this is one time a rebound is healthy.

Looks aren’t everything, but you’re more likely to link eyes across a crowded room if those eyes aren’t full of greenish discharge. So get a make-over. There’s a new you waiting inside to come out. Hit the dating scene, that is, job interviews, looking your best. If you look better, you’ll feel better. I’ve taken to washing the dishes in heels and mascara. But I digress.

Looking hot helps, but if you’re not confident in your heels, you risk tripping. This means you’re going to need to boost that confidence back up. I’ve taken up yoga and this has helped me tremendously. Find what works for you. It may be something you’ve always done or it can be something you never thought you’d do. It can be really simple, like knitting (don’t knock it till you try it) or it can be invigorating, like mountain-climbing.

So there you are. The affair has ended. Such is life. Landing the right job is a lot like meeting the right person, it may take a few tries. If memory serves me right, dating can be fun. So get to it. Taller, darker and more handsome awaits.