It’s been awhile. Ok, so that’s an understatement. It’s been a long time. I’m sorry.
I received your emails and I thank you. Each of you. Thank you for your congratulations and your kind wishes, for your prayers and your words of encouragement. (Please continue with these). I especially thank those of you who took the time to scold me for letting you down, (swearing all the while), acknowledging that I had failed you by not writing and abandoned you while your quest for employment still continued. Though I replied to you directly, privately, I wish to publicly apologize for my tardiness in writing. I could find excuses, but I’ve never lied to you (why is that?) and don’t plan to start now. The truth is, I was overwhelmed.
I’d forgotten how much I love to work. How much I love to immerse myself in every aspect of it. And once that memory came to mind, suddenly I remembered how much I like to do so many other things. Before I knew it, I was busy. Somehow, the hours became days, the days became weeks and just like that, almost 2 months have gone by. I really am sorry.
When the structured hours of employment were wanting, the days were so very long. Yet once they returned, the days were so very short and I can hardly imagine the hours I had spent languorously on the couch, grumbling at the ‘spontaneous’ fights erupting at the sound of a bell on Springer, or fretting over the unclaimed children who looked ‘just like’ the fathers who are forever ‘not the Daddy’ on Maury. (I still believe both shows need be canceled).
But it’s important to me that you know, I didn’t forget you for one moment. I didn’t forget how we stood (and sometimes crouched) together in the rain.
How strange it is to now see so clearly how it is not time that is ever changing, but rather our perception of it. (Like the spoon in the Matrix). Stranger still, to note that either there is too much time, or too little of it, but somehow never enough. But we will have to make our own time, won’t we? Because it still rains somewhere and we must help each other stay dry.
There is much to tell you, with all this time that has passed. We will have to recount it all in portions and pieces. Let us begin promptly. And let us start, as perhaps we always should, at the beginning of the last end.
I got the job. I couldn’t have been happier. After my previous disappointment, I kept my emotions in check, my enthusiasm was curbed and my outward appearance could only be described as ‘reserved’. It was only the slight shaking of my hands and the constant clenching of my jaw (to suppress my grin) which threatened to reveal the fact that, while I didn’t say, I couldn’t be happier. Work!
And I’m pleased to report, I’m enjoying it. Perhaps more so because of what I endured in the 9 months before. If you’ve come through it like I have, you understand. If you haven’t as yet, keep faith, you soon will.
The work (and I beg your pardon) is not rocket-science. Paris Hilton could do it. (I love her, but you catch my drift). Still, it has its welcomed challenges, keeps me busy and I find it rewarding. I am grateful and happy. Happy. Imagine that.
Back there, in those really dire months, I wouldn’t have thought I’d be telling you I’m happy now. I couldn’t see it. In rough times it’s so hard to see the times beyond the now. It’s not only the job that caused it, but once one thing finally fell into place, everything else followed suit. In the same way that before, after just one thing had gone wrong, everything else just started to fall apart.
I guess it really is as the saying goes, ‘when it rains, it pours’. I had my share of rain, the sprinkles, showers, downpours and some months it was even torrential. But perhaps it should also be said that there was never a promise of rainbows when it shines.
It is my sincere hope that for most of us we reached this place of employment together. But I know there are many of us still who have not reached that destination as yet and to you I need to say, that’s ok, I understand what it means to be caught in the rain so we’ll keep our umbrellas open and continue on our journey.
Wherever you are on your path, I’m going to keep blogging and we’ll keep journeying together. As the song goes, we’ll keep on, keeping on. We won’t despair if it gets a little cloudy along the way and if a tear or two is shed, we’ll keep it just between us. We’ll take each day as we did before, one at a time. And while looking forward to rainbows, we won’t ever forget, one will only be able to see the rainbow after the time, when it rains.
Originally posted January 17, 2011
Originally posted January 17, 2011
